Where's the fire?

11:45:00 AM Kelly Leronowich 4 Comments

Its 5:30ish and I am getting ready for my evening out with my dearest girlfriend. I am wearing my black shiny pants which my mom so eloquently calls them my “sluty” pants but I don’t care they match my attitude and with my black stilettos my ass looks great. I meet up with my friend in front of the local pub and she is wearing an oversize sweatshirt and jeans that are two sizes too big, she looks dreary. And if you were to ask her why she’s is dressed like that she would replied “I am too fat, and too tired to care!” So it wasn’t a surprise that after our first round of drinks our conversation lead to sex, well the lack of sex. She expressed concern for the lack of passion and fire in her marriage, she loves her husband and he is a good father and provider but the fire is gone, and rightfully so she’s worried about having no fire and if her marriage can last years without passion. Her belief is the lack of eagerness is from her husband; apparently his libido just doesn’t match up to hers. So I asked her if she felt sexy and if she was showing him her sexy side, well she quickly said “that two kids and twenty pounds later she was no longer sexy.” When I looked at her and I saw a sexy woman hidden in a cocoon of oversized cotton and denim just waiting to break free and I wonder why is it that we can see our friends clearly, but our friends can never see themselves clearly. I did agree with her that as moms we are nurses, maids, taxi cab drivers, cooks and bottle washers and it seems that we no longer have time to be sex kittens so we replaced it with couch potatoes. So we just settle for remembering the good old days when fire and passion were commonplace and having sex on the kitchen table was an acceptable place and sex itself was and anticipated event instead of a dreaded chore. So I asked myself what happened. Why can’t we be moms and sex kittens? I asked my friend maybe if you felt sexy and good about yourself then your husband would have more of a libido? And thankfully she did agree with me. I told her tomorrow send the kids to their grandparents and greet your husband at the door in your red lacy teddy and black stiletto heels and I am certain you will see fireworks and maybe you can reclaim the kitchen table as an excellent place to have sex! Passion and fire are verbs, they are action words they aren’t passive things that just happen you have to create them. It seems to me that along the way we have replaced sultry excitement with indifference, but we still long for that red hot romance we once had, and igniting the smouldering embers most defiantly won’t happen in oversized denim and hairy legs. Having kids doesn’t mean you have to surrender your inner goddess and submissively watch TV night after night. You are women and you and your husband were a couple first, so dig deep into yester years and find that passion you once had. And several cosmos later my friend and I came to the conclusion that a marriage can’t stand the test of time without zeal, we are humans who have needs and sometimes our needs are very hot-blooded. And we need to get excited about sex again and getting excited about sex isn’t being apathetic it is feeling and acting sexy and creating fiery romance regularly.

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